Buffy Decides to become and Accountant
by Funny Hat US
Summary: This is a very serious story, one which should be considered in a very careful way and not laughed at. Ever.


[Enter Giles, Buffy]  
  
Giles: Yezz, yezz, hello, Buffy. Quite delightful to see you, of course, naturally, yezz yezz.  
  
Buffy: Hi Giles.  
  
Giles: Excuse me, but have you seen my book on the history of English garden sculpture? The writers want me to seem especially bookish, so I'm always going to wear something in tweed and have an English accent and glasses. Yezz.  
  
Buffy: No I haven't seen it.  
  
Giles: Yez, well, no matter. Hmm.  
  
Buffy: Giles, what did you want to show me?  
  
Giles: Oh right, sorry, old boy. Did I mention that I'm English, wonderful, wonderful, yez.  
  
Buffy: Giles?  
  
Giles: Right, well the council has decided that you need an assistant slayer. I've called him in to meet you today.  
  
Buffy: An assistant? I don't need an assistant. Plus all my high school friends can help me as I fight the forces of evil.  
  
Giles: Well the decision has been made above my head, old boy. Ah, here is your new assistant. Come on it!  
  
[Enter assistant]  
  
Assistant: Hello, New YORK!  
  
Buffy: This is my assistant?  
  
Giles: Yes, the council has decided that the best person to help you is television game show host Regis Philbin. I'll leave so you can get started.  
  
[Exit Giles]  
  
Philbin: Well, Betty.  
  
Buffy: Buffy.  
  
Philbin: Right, Buffy. Sorry about that. Anyway, we have here tonight Ms. Buffy Somerset from, ah, Sunnydale California.  
  
Buffy: That's Sommers, and. Oh never mind. Do you know anything about crossbows?  
  
Philbin: Ah, so you're a crossbow-ist. Now have you been doing that long?  
  
Buffy: Enough with the questions! If you're going to tour the neighborhood with me tonight you have to be trained. Now try and throw this knife against the wall.  
  
Philbin: This is a very interesting knife you have here. Ok, let's get started. Who was the 16th President of the United States? Was it A) George Washington, B) Abraham Lincoln, C) Mario Cuomo, or D) Justin Timberlake.  
  
Buffy: Justin Timberlake? What? Why are you asking me these questions.  
  
Philbin: Ok, D. Is that your final answer?  
  
Buffy: What?  
  
Philbin: Ooh, I'm sorry. The answer was, ahh, let me see, errr, Abryahhem, err, Abraham Lincoln. Sorry, I didn't know that either.  
  
Buffy: Giles!  
  
[Enter Giles]  
  
Giles: Yezz, well. How may I help you?  
  
Buffy: This cannot be my new assistant.  
  
Giles: Well, funny hat you mention it. The council just sent over your REAL new assistant.  
  
Buffy: Does that mean Regis is leaving?  
  
Philbin: Sorry, that's all the time we have tonight. See you next time at 9, 8 central! And feel free to email the author of this little parody at FunnyHatUS@yahoo.com, or visit the website at www.geocities.com/funnyhatus.  
  
[Exit Philbin]  
  
Giles: Yez, well here is your new partner. His name is Barky, and he is an 800 pound California Sea Lion.  
  
Sea Lion: Oww oww oww!  
  
Buffy: What? Well at least it's better than Regis Philbin.  
  
Giles: Yez, and here is his trainer, who happens to be rhythm and blues singer James Brown.  
  
Brown: Oww! Good, God, Y'all. Give 'em some fish. Yeah!  
  
Sea Lion: Oww!  
  
Buffy: How am I supposed to train them to fight demons?  
  
Giles: I'm not really sure, but here comes a few, so I'm off! Ta ta!  
  
[Exit Giles]  
  
Buffy: Ok, guys, just follow my lead.  
  
Brown: Balance this ball on your nose, baby. Ow!  
  
[Enter vampires]  
  
Vampire: Arr! We are mean and nasty because we have such strange looking noses! Why is it that vampires have to look so ugly on this show? Arr!  
  
Buffy: Barky, quick, get him!  
  
Sea Lion: Arrrr  
  
Buffy: Where is he going?  
  
Brown: Ow! Outta here, baby! Yeah! One two three four! Ow!  
  
Vampire: Arrr, arrr.  
  
Buffy: I hate my job. Demons, vampires, it's seriously cramping my style. I wonder if I can just go tell Giles that I quit and get work at the Gap.  
  
Vampire: ARRrrrrrrrr! Gap! Arr! Pain! The word pains us!  
  
Buffy: Gap?  
  
Vampire: We're melting!!!!  
  
Buffy: Who knew.  
  
Brown: Ow! It melts us too, baby.  
  
Buffy: Bummer.  
  
Sea Lion: Ok, I think this story has run its course. Let's call it a day.  
  
Buffy: You talk?  
  
Sea Lion: Yes.  
  
[End] 


End file.
